Star Wars Joke-A-Day

Apropos of absolutely nothing, I wrote a bit about how Star Wars is currently getting a reboot.  Check it out on Club Jade, won’t you?

For those of you living under a bantha, there’s been a lot of Star Wars news lately.  

The director of Episode VII was revealed, followed a day later by confirmation from Lucasfilm.  Then we heard that Episodes II and III will not be coming out in 3D this year, which was verified almost instantly.

So why wait for the next rumor to prove true?  Thanks to my crack staff of industry spies, I can tell you now what everyone else will be talking about tomorrow.  Presenting…

The Top Ten Soon-To-Be-Confirmed Star Wars Rumors

#10 —- Several big names will definitely appear in Episode VII: Harrison Ford, Anthony Daniels, and Samuel L. Jackson’s right arm.

#9 —- The Star Wars live-action series has been retooled as the 16th season of Dancing with the Stars.

#8 —- Part of J.J. Abrams’ contract stipulates that he must remake The Star Wars Holiday Special.  It will last six seasons, but Chewbacca never makes it home.

#7 —- In order to concentrate on Episode VII, Lucasfilm also postpones the premiere of Star Wars Detours, the Blu-ray of Willow, and the 3D re-release of Radioland Murders.

#6 —- The Clone Wars will indeed move to Disney XD, where it is unexpectedly paired with reruns of Law & Order: SVU.

#5 —- “The Wedding of George & Mellody” will be broadcast live on ABC, followed by an uncomfortable “reunion special” with Gary Kurtz and David Prowse.

#4 —- Dark Horse retains the rights to publish Star Wars comics, but only after agreeing to an awkward crossover involving The Avengers and Scrooge McDuck.

#3 —- Zach Snyder’s “Seven Jedi” movie gets the green light.  It is immediately disowned by a confused Alan Moore.

#2 —- Disney reveals plans to build a theme park entirely devoted to Star Wars.  They have hired Busch Gardens’ creative director to make it happen.

And the #1 soon-to-be-confirmed rumor is —- Episodes X thru XII are a go!

Tickets went on sale yesterday for the second Star Wars Celebration Europe, which is coming in July to Messe Essen, Germany.  And that’s a real place, not something Jar Jar Binks once said.

Fans are expected to travel from all over to attend, but very few of them have been to Germany before.  And navigating through Deutschland could be disasterous for the unprepared traveler.   So as a service to the fan community, here are…

The Top Ten Travel Tips for Star Wars Fans in Germany

#10 —- Just because someone is wearing lederhosen does not mean he’s cosplaying as Sio Bibble.

#9 —- Since 2002, Germany’s sole currency has been the Euro.  Currently, the Euro is worth 1.47 Republic Credits.

#8 —- If you have the time, pay a visit to Schönhausen, birthplace of famous winged Chancellor Watto von Bismarck.

#7 —- I’m not saying Germans are unfriendly, but everyone in the Berlin 501st dresses up as the Emperor.

#6 —- The term “stormtrooper” is a bit too Nazi-ish, so please refer to them as “empiremenschen.”

#5 —- Beware of unsavory merchants selling pieces of the Berlin Wall or fragments from Alderaan.

#4 —- Best to avoid mentioning the Cologne Wars, a very traumatic period in German history.

#3 —- Show up to events and panels on time.  I’m looking at you, Dave Filoni!

#2 —- Germans are very protective of their favorite character, so make sure to never insult Lüke Skyvvalker.

And the #1 travel tip for Star Wars fans in Germany is —- thanks to a new Celebration sponsor, the famous phrase has been changed to “May the Force BMW.”