Star Wars Joke-A-Day

If there’s one thing we can learn from the end of a Star Wars movie, it’s that folks in the GFFA love a good celebration. And what better excuse to get down and funky than by marking the passage of time? Sure, they don’t use the Gregorian calendar, but that doesn’t stop ‘em from partying like it’s 1999… with their own unique ways of ringing in the New Year!

And so, let’s start the countdown for…

The Top Ten New Year’s Traditions in the Star Wars Galaxy

(drumroll please)

#10 —- The Empire explodes some fireworks, followed by Alderaan.

#9 —- Luke kisses Leia at midnight. Because it was New Year’s. Yeah, that’s the reason.

#8 —- Uncle Owen gets plastered, hits on C-3PO.

#7 —- Lando files paperwork declaring Cloud City to be a non-profit medical clinic/religious seminary/orphanage.

#6 —- Jar Jar uses his tongue as a noisemaker. That’s what he told the judge, anyway.

#5 —- The giant ball drops… onto Endor, killing millions of Ewoks.

#4 —- Count Dooku realizes that he’s still writing “35 BBY” on all his checks.

#3 —- Darth Vader resolves to stop choking so many officers. And to finally use to that gym on the Death Star. Otherwise, that stupid membership is just taking up room on his keychain.

#2 —- Nute Gunray goes to sleep early, then wakes up to watch the Rose Parade alone. So very alone.

And the #1 Star Wars New Year’s tradition is —- singing Mauld Lang Syne!

Both Darth Maul and Jedi Eeth Koth
Were cut from the same Zabrak cloth
But Eeth wore brown hues
While Maul got tattoos
And dressed up like he was a goth!

Where did Palpatine buy his Sithly robes?

At the Darth Mall!