If there’s one thing we can learn from the end of a Star Wars movie, it’s that folks in the GFFA love a good celebration. And what better excuse to get down and funky than by marking the passage of time? Sure, they don’t use the Gregorian calendar, but that doesn’t stop ‘em from partying like it’s 1999… with their own unique ways of ringing in the New Year!
And so, let’s start the countdown for…
The Top Ten New Year’s Traditions in the Star Wars Galaxy
#10 —- The Empire explodes some fireworks, followed by Alderaan.
#9 —- Luke kisses Leia at midnight. Because it was New Year’s. Yeah, that’s the reason.
#8 —- Uncle Owen gets plastered, hits on C-3PO.
#7 —- Lando files paperwork declaring Cloud City to be a non-profit medical clinic/religious seminary/orphanage.
#6 —- Jar Jar uses his tongue as a noisemaker. That’s what he told the judge, anyway.
#5 —- The giant ball drops… onto Endor, killing millions of Ewoks.
#4 —- Count Dooku realizes that he’s still writing “35 BBY” on all his checks.
#3 —- Darth Vader resolves to stop choking so many officers. And to finally use to that gym on the Death Star. Otherwise, that stupid membership is just taking up room on his keychain.
#2 —- Nute Gunray goes to sleep early, then wakes up to watch the Rose Parade alone. So very alone.
And the #1 Star Wars New Year’s tradition is —- singing Mauld Lang Syne!
Here in the ol’ US of A, we always seem to be in the midst of an election season — meaning we’re constantly barraged with campaign promises, debates, and mudslinging. But in Star Wars, though we meet a lot of politicians, we never get to see how they made it into office. So in the spirit of democracy, here are…
The Top Ten Campaign Slogans from the Star Wars Galaxy
#10 —- Princess Leia: She’s not a committee.
#9 —- Mon Mothma: Endorsed by schoolteachers, unions, and many Bothans.
#8 —- Lando Calrissian: The respectable one.
#7 —- Darth Vader: Together, we can rule the galaxy.
#6 —- Jar Jar Binks: A peko-peko in every pot, a heyblibber in every heyblibber-holding-area-thing…oosa.
#5 —- Padme Amidala: Changing more than just her wardrobe.
#4 —- Chewbacca: Ohoooh, ah oarawh’ao rhwoanahwohowo rooohu aorcrawhcanraaowowa aoacahc.
#3 —- General Dodonna: Freedom from oppression. Freedom from tyranny. Freedom from haircuts.
#2 —- Poggle: The lesser of two evils.
And the #1 Star Wars campaign slogan is —- Bail Organa: I promise our planet won’t blow up.
Today kicks off the biggest Star Wars party on the planet! Alas, I tried to get down there but things didn’t quite work out. Still, I’m excited to watch all the coverage on Twitter and hear about the surprises in store!
Another thing I’m excited about is getting to repurpose this top ten list I wrote about the last Celebration! So in the spirit of laziness, allow me to present…
The Top Ten Reasons To Be Happy That Celebration VI Is In Orlando
#10 —- Centrally-located for all Floridians.
#9 —- Weather conditions simulate the experience of living with twin suns.
#8 —- Gives Lucas Licensing the perfect venue to unveil its Star Wars-brand Depends.
#7 —- Star Tours has daily stops there.
#6 —- It’s hurricane season, so we might get to see a great reenactment of Obi-Wan’s fight with Jango Fett.
#5 —- The Epcot Center, let’s face it, would make an awesome Death Star.
#4 —- After years of getting just four Disney Star Wars Weekends per summer, residents of Orlando finally have something to look forward to.
#3 —- Ever wanted to see a stormtrooper faint? Now you can.
#2 —- Billy Dee Williams might show up, thinking it’s all about him.
And the #1 reason to be happy is —- at least it’s not Tampa!