Star Wars Joke-A-Day

Limerick Friday!

Merry Christmas from Wampa Claws!  (Original art by the great Neil Baker.)

Limerick Friday!

Today kicks off the biggest Star Wars party on the planet!  Alas, I tried to get down there but things didn’t quite work out.  Still, I’m excited to watch all the coverage on Twitter and hear about the surprises in store!

Another thing I’m excited about is getting to repurpose this top ten list I wrote about the last Celebration!  So in the spirit of laziness, allow me to present…

The Top Ten Reasons To Be Happy That Celebration VI Is In Orlando

#10 —- Centrally-located for all Floridians.

#9 —- Weather conditions simulate the experience of living with twin suns.

#8 —- Gives Lucas Licensing the perfect venue to unveil its Star Wars-brand Depends.

#7 —- Star Tours has daily stops there.

#6 —- It’s hurricane season, so we might get to see a great reenactment of Obi-Wan’s fight with Jango Fett.

#5 —- The Epcot Center, let’s face it, would make an awesome Death Star.

#4 —- After years of getting just four Disney Star Wars Weekends per summer, residents of Orlando finally have something to look forward to.

#3 —- Ever wanted to see a stormtrooper faint? Now you can.

#2 —- Billy Dee Williams might show up, thinking it’s all about him.

And the #1 reason to be happy is —- at least it’s not Tampa!

A ladies man was Boba Fett
Whether redhead, blonde, or brunette
If he saw a skirt
He’d shamlessly flirt
And give ‘em a night they’d regret!

Sure, Star Wars is justifiably famous for its merchandising. But in the rush to produce the Next Hot Collector’s Item, some questionable marketing ideas have been conceived. So let’s run down…

The Top Ten Worst Star Wars Product Tie-Ins

(drumroll please)

#10 —- Tickle Me Ozzel

#9 —- Padmé Amidala’s Home Pregnancy Tests

#8 —- Taco Bell’s new Burrito Supreme Chancellor

#7 —- FettLife Insurance

#6 —- This absolutely terrifying clock:

#5 —- Gamorrean Lard

#4 —- Sith-n-Span

#3 —- Ewan and Hayden Sing Country Classics, Volume 5

#2 —- Ack-Bars (“It’s a snack!”)

And the #1 worst Star Wars tie-in is —- Skywalker Red Label

There once was a hunter named Jango
Who was caught in a Jedi Knight tango
He fled to Slave I
And said to his son
“I’ll be glad to see all this rain go!”